I have so much to think about who I am, who I want to be and what I've been doing in my life lately...
I met a friend of mine today that I haven't seen for a long time. I know the influence of negative people and their negative energy and comments influence us a lot to create this distance between us, but I've taking wrong paths that also contribute to that.
She told me today about constructive criticism, which made me very reflective on who I've become.
There's been a while since I came to the conclusion that I need to start building a wall around myself, too keep negativeness away from my life and my plans for the future (I guess writing about it on the blog is an attempt to tear these walls down a little bit).
Since I was a kid, me and my family have been struggling against judgmental people who can't understand and respect that we're kinda different and we just can't help it. I've tried to fit in, at many different stages of my life, but every time I tried to change who I am to be more like regular people I got screwed.
For those factors and many others, I tend to feel extremely alone... I just can't feel I'm a part of anything and I have become a very annoying opinionated and complaining person. I've been too bitter lately, too critic. I feel like I have to protect myself from everything and everyone, like I can't trust anyone besides my family. Is it true? Are people actually that phony and dangerous? Or have I become a terrible person?
I'm just tired... of trying to fit in and never succeeding, of other people's gossiping, of the problem of being myself. Trust me when I say, most of the time, being yourself can be the worst of your problems... Sometimes it's just socially simpler to act like a regular person.
I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt or pushed away for being such a difficult person to deal with... I really want it to change, I just don't know how to do it without feeling dishonest to myself about it.