A very self-centered exposing post o let it all out.

I have so much to think about who I am, who I want to be and what I've been doing in my life lately...
I met a friend of mine today that I haven't seen for a long time. I know the influence of negative people and their negative energy and comments influence us a lot to create this distance between us, but I've taking wrong paths that also contribute to that.
She told me today about constructive criticism, which made me very reflective on who I've become.
There's been a while since I came to the conclusion that I need to start building a wall around myself, too keep negativeness away from my life and my plans for the future (I guess writing about it on the blog is an attempt to tear these walls down a little bit).
Since I was a kid, me and my family have been struggling against judgmental people who can't understand and respect that we're kinda different and we just can't help it. I've tried to fit in, at many different stages of my life, but every time I tried to change who I am to be more like regular people I got screwed.
For those factors and many others, I tend to feel extremely alone... I just can't feel I'm a part of anything and I have become a very annoying opinionated and complaining person. I've been too bitter lately, too critic. I feel like I have to protect myself from everything and everyone, like I can't trust anyone besides my family. Is it true? Are people actually that phony and dangerous? Or have I become a terrible person?
I'm just tired... of trying to fit in and never succeeding, of other people's gossiping, of the problem of being myself. Trust me when I say, most of the time, being yourself can be the worst of your problems... Sometimes it's just socially simpler to act like a regular person.
I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt or pushed away for being such a difficult person to deal with... I really want it to change, I just don't know how to do it without feeling dishonest to myself about it.


  1. I may not know you as well as people you have been around for a long time but after reading your blog and the times that we have spoken I believe you to be a really cool, fun, creative, spunky, and caring person! Don't let people get you down you are wonderful being who you are! All of us should stay true to who we are and the people that are right for us will stick with us no matter what! Much love to both you and Jules hope all is going well =)

    1. Trista, that's because of people like you that I don't freak out sometimes. We hear here all the time people putting labels at others, like 'Americas have a cold and distant personality, Brazilians are cool and fun'... Bullshiiiit! Julian and I know many people here that are fun and cool, but talk about you at your back. My American friends are all very honest, no matter what, and they also give me so much affection that I miss many of you everyday, even people I still haven't met in person. And what some people don't seem to understand is that it doesn't matter where you are from, what matters is that we are all PEOPLE! And we should respect and learn from our differences!
      Thank you for understanding and for your support. You're already an important piece of my life and I can't wait metting u guys!!!